I has been a long time since I have last written in my blog.  Don’t get me wrong, I love writing and I have done a lot of learning since the last time I have written something.  I have been on a personal development binge lately; beginning with reviewing the Landmark Forum and taking a 5 day workshop called “Quantum Mind Mastery” with Dov Baron. Part of the reasons why my husband and I went on a personal development binge was because there are just so many things happening in our lives right now.  One week shy of our first wedding anniversary, we are launching our easy accounting software for small businesses and self-employed people, 5 months pregnant with our first baby, and creating a loving marriage all at the same time.  We recognized that by the time the baby is born at the end of November, we will be managing 3 different types of relationships as a married couple, as business partners, and as parents.  This is why this year is the year of our personal development binge, where we are trying raise our vibration and gain as many skills as possible to joyfully create our past, present, and future together.

The personal development courses so far have been extremely helpful in examining my limiting beliefs.  What I have gained most through my personal development binge so far is a deeper understanding my husband’s beliefs and challenges as well as recognizing how much I have transformed since taking the Landmark Forum for the first time and watching “The Secret” in 2006.

One thing is for sure, I have transformed a lot since I walked on the “path” 2 years ago.  It seems to be natural for many people to be ignorant of the transformations that have occurred because it happened so gradually over time.  Only when we came across close friends and family members at least 6 months to a year of not seeing each other or revisiting the a personal development experience will we realize how much we have transformed.  Taking the Landmark Forum again this time after 2 years showed me some great revelations about myself.  The first thing I have noticed is that the issues I have had to address 2 years ago no longer existed.  Those issues have either been completely resolved or have taken a different shape and form.  For example, I used to blame my mother for my failing relationships with men and my lack of confidence.  Now, I am not dealing with failing relationships with men, in fact, I am very happily married and awaiting the arrival of our first child.  I have also worked through my issues with confidence and able to perform at networking events and business functions with confidence and ease.  This time around at the Landmark Education, the most significant breakthrough for me was disappearing the fear of motherhood and proclaiming my intention to be a loving and powerful mother.

While I am complete with blaming my mother for what used to be my lack of success in life and romantic relationships, I did not realize how many limiting beliefs I had about being a mother.  When I first found out I was pregnant, I felt weak and powerless; ugly and unwanted.  I have had many breakdowns around this issue until I went to the landmark forum for the second time since 2006.  What I realized was, my mother continued with her pregnancy of my twin sister and I when my father had no desire to have children and then using children as a weapon against my dad to get money and power.  This resulted in my mother being poor, powerless, abandoned, and depressed.  Subsequently, my mother tried to gain her power and confidence by putting down her children through verbal, emotional, and physical abuse.  On a subconscious level, I had a deep seated fear that I would become my mother.  I was afraid that my husband would leave me as I tummy began to grow and I fear that I will become a poor and powerless single mother.

This was a hard one to take because during the Landmark Forum, I began to feel the movements of my baby inside my tummy.  I thought of this being I am bringing to this world and my overwhelming desire to give this baby the best I could ever offer.   Recognizing my fear of becoming my mother was the most heart breaking, and liberating experience I could have before this baby comes along.  I realized that I would not be able to set the intention to be a loving and powerful mother if I did not become aware of the limiting beliefs that were planted deeply within my subconscious.