I have been putting much energy into personal and spiritual development for the last 5 years. Overall, I think I have transformed myself in many ways. Here are some of the more visible transformations I can think of:
- I am less of a Drama Queen then I used to be.
- I can recognize when I am acting out of ego or from my true self
- I have fewer negative thoughts than I used to
- I am living a wonderful life with my husband and children
However, I can’t say that I am done with my work on personal and spiritual development. I have yet to pass the last obstacle of being truly self actualized:
That obstacle is: MY MOTHER
I have always had issues dealing with her. I don’t want to get rambling on the “stories” I made up about her behavior. All I can say is that all of the hell I experienced in my childhood came from her. I must say that all the hell she put me through allowed me to draw from my own wisdom from an early age, being able to tell what is right and wrong.
Her presence will no doubt draw on some of the most dormant pain bodies I have. She is coming to Taiwan in a few weeks and already I am fearing some of the possibilities of bad things happening. The thought of her presence takes me out of my comfort zone immediately.
While I would love to give her all the responsibility of why I am not present, my wisdom tells me the answer to harmonious co-existence with my mother lies within. Perhaps this is the very reason I should welcome her presence instead of fearing it. What’s the point of doing all these personal and spiritual development courses when I can’t co-exist peacefully with my mother? It is time to put some of my skills to work 😛